


A Mistake

by Krissy, YourDearOldFriend



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Era, Enjolras just doesn't get it, Grantaire my bby :c, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, M/M, One-Sided Enjolras/Grantaire, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-06 12:26:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11600619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krissy/pseuds/Krissy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/YourDearOldFriend/pseuds/YourDearOldFriend
Summary: "Try to relax...", Enjolras said. Sure. No one had stabbed him in the ribs. And he certainly could not relax either when his only reason to live sat in front of him. I tried to breathe. Tried to stay calm. It didn't really work.I was so close to him, so close like never before. I felt the warmth of his fingers on my belly, his calm breath on my ear, his soft locks tickling my face. Smelled his scent, he smelled like lilies and cinnamon.I closed my eyes again, the pain suddenly wasn't that bad anymore.I wouldn't be this close to him ever again. So why shouldn't I enjoy it while it lasted?





	A Mistake

I probably shouldn't have done that.

The guards bleary eyes narrowed, he took a step towards me. I swallowed.  
In my drunken light-heartedness, the words had simply slipped out of me, I had not meant to say them aloud neither really meant them. I watched him raising his hand and reacted too late: his fist hit my face, my face hit the floor. Everything went dark around me, far too slowly I raised my hands in defense.

"What did you just call me?"

He grabbed a fistful of my hair, a sharp pain shot through my head. I clenched my teeth, again felt his fist punching my temple. Everything was spinning.

"Do you want to repeat that?" 

Unfortunately, the rebellious part in me won and I spat at him.

"Go to hell!" 

The next thing I felt was a horrible pain in my side, somewhere between my ribs. I gasped and looked down, just in time to see him pulling out the knife again, blood dying my shirt red. With upcoming panic I pressed my hand on the wound, glanced up at the man who simply turned around and left. I breathed in deeply, trying not to look at the blood that ran through my fingers.  
Got up tottering. I urgently needed help, I knew that, even in my drunken state. But the streets were dark and empty and the only light place was the café at the end of the street. I didn't want to go back there, there was a reason why I left after all. I could not stand being near him anymore. I prefered to wander alone through the streets of Paris and insult some lame police men. 

The pain was terrible and the blood didn't seem to stop coming. I wondered if the guard had possibly hit some vital organ. Hopefully not. And because my will to survive was surprisingly stronger than my pride I managed to make my way to the café agonizingly slow. My vision was blurred and so it remained the only saving light in the distance. A part of me was glad that I was slightly drunk, otherwise I probably would've already fainted from panic and like this everything remained a bit numb. Otherwise all this wouldn't have happened in the first place if I had been sober. But when was I ever?

It wasn't far to the café anymore, but my legs gave way and silently cursing I sank to the ground, heard the door opening and steps coming closer. Hopefully it wasn't him.

"Grantaire? God, are you drunk again-"

He stopped, perhaps he had seen the  
really not to overlooking blood and grabbed me by the shoulders. I thought it was Joly or Bossuet, I couldn't open my eyes and their voices sounded strangely distant. 

"Joly, help me get him inside."

I didn't want to be brought inside, but already felt two arms grabbing me and pulling me towards the café.

"Damn, what happened to you?"

I wanted to answer them, but no words would escape my lips, that probably also had something to do with the alcohol. I almost didn't feel any pain anymore, just tiredness.

"R...?"

"Mmmhh?"

Joly and Bossuet seemed to have brought me to a chair, at least I sat on one now. I tried lifting my head and opening my eyes a little bit. Kneeling in front of me was Bossuet, Joly beside him already unbuttoning my vest and shirt, to inspect the wound. I turned around, grabbing the nearest bottle of wine only to have it taken away by Bossuet a moment later.

"Not now. You have had enough!"

I sighed quietly, leaning my head back and closing my eyes again. I didn't want to feel the pain when Joly did whatever he had to so too the wound. Only because he studied medicine didn't mean I trusted him. It was bad enough already. 

Meanwhile he had undressed me halfway, I watched him warily pouring my beloved alcohol, instead of leaving it to me, on a cloth and cleaning the wound with it. It burned horribly, a pain which could have been prevented by the wine. 

I bit my lip to not groan loudly, hearing the sound of steps coming down the stairs.

"Enjolras..."

Oh no.

"What happened?"

Why him? If I could I would have stood up and left, but that wasn't possible. First of all, I couldn't stand up, second of all Joly and Bossuet wouldn't let me.  
So I closed my eyes and kept chewing on my lip.

"Did you drink again, Grantaire? How many times do I need to tell you-" 

He stopped, then I felt his warm hand on my shoulder. 

"What happened?", he repeated slowly, his voice sounding closer. Again I wished for the wine. 

"He was attacked I think...", Joly explained, because I couldn't. 

"Grantaire?", Enjolras said directly to me and I imagined to hear concern in his voice. Which was obviously only because of the dizziness and the lacking alcohol.

"I would say with a knife... But I don't think it hit an organ, even if it is bleeding this strong", the medicine student continued. That sounded exactly how it felt.

"Is he unconscious? Can you help him?"

Slowly the pain came back, I swallowed and tried to surpress it, but a quiet pained moan escaped my lips.

"I'm on it." He continued to examine the wound. "Bossuet, I need a bandage and needle and thread."

He got up to fetch it and I had to see Enjolras taking his place. Enjolras kneeling in front of me, wasn't that all I ever dreamed of? I noticed that he still looked like earlier when I left. Still beautiful, still perfect. I closed my eyes again. Perhaps it was better if his face was the last thing I saw before I died.

"Is that good?"

"I think so."

I felt Joly's Hands again, bit my lip.

"R, this is going to hurt. Just stay with me..."

"I hate you already", I breathed out, heard him chuckle. Then he started to sew and I gasped silently, tightly shutting my eyes. 

"Merde..."

"Damn, Joly...", Enjolras murmured. As if he had pity for me. I clenched my teeth. 

"I'm sorry, there is no other way..."

I simply hoped, it would be over fast. 

"Try to relax...", Enjolras said. Sure. No one had stabbed him in the ribs. And he certainly could not relax either when his only reason to live sat in front of him. I tried to breathe. Tried to stay calm. It didn't really work.

I bit my lip, tightly grabbing the chair.  
I didn't think it would hurt this much...  
Well, I was never sewn before consciously. God, I hoped it would end soon.

"Grantaire? Tell me what happened", Enjolras whispered, why did he whisper, was that supposed to calm me? No, it made me feel even more nervous, he had never talked to me so calm and gentle before. I swallowed and opened my eyes, looked into his.

"Can't you guess?"

He frowned, now looking even more concerned, but I surely was just imagining things. I shook my head. 

"I.. insulted some officer... He said, we should fuck off, because we'll all die anyway... so I told him my opinion and... well..."

He sighed, was he disappointed of me?  
When wasn't he? It shouldn't surprise me anymore. I was there for exactly that reason.

"The bandage." Bossuet handed it to him. 

"Help me."

"Give it to me." Enjolras carefully pushed my shirt to the side, putting one hand on my shoulder and gestured for me to lean forward. I felt dizzy, had to steady myself on his jacket.

"Damn, Enjolras..." My head felt heavy, I had to lean against his shoulder. I wanted to lean against his shoulder.

"It's alright...", he mumbled, I felt him putting on the bandage. I was so close to him, so close like never before. I felt the warmth of his fingers on my belly, his calm breath on my ear, his soft locks tickling my face. Smelled his scent, he smelled like lilies and cinnamon.  
I closed my eyes again, the pain suddenly wasn't that bad anymore.  
I wouldn't be this close to him ever again. So why shouldn't I enjoy it while it lasted? 

"Done...", he murmured, but I refused to move. I couldn't. I buried my face in his shirt, kept my eyes closed. And I was tired. Maybe I could just fall asleep like this. In his arms.

"Grantaire?, he asked quietly, I remained silent. 

"Joly? Can you help me? We have to bring him upstairs."

"Of course."

I felt him laying an arm around me, helping me up. 

Enjolras and Joly dragged me up the stairs, in some room with a bed, where they sat me down. Right, the café had a guest room in the first floor. I somehow had forgotten that. I've been here before, a few Amis have often brought me here, although for a different reason. And never did Enjolras.

I heard them talking silently to each other. 

"He needs to rest. So the wound heals quickly. Tomorrow I'll get a salve and then it shouldn't take long and we can pull out the thread. Should I stay with him or-?"

"Do you think, that is necessary?"

"It would be better... Maybe Bossuet could..."

I opened my eyes a bit, saw Enjolras shaking his head.

"It's alright. I will stay over night. You can go home, you've done enough. Thank you..."

Joly nodded, but I didn't realize. What did he say? Stay over night? Enjolras? How did I deserve that honor? 

I heard the sound of steps as Joly went down the stairs and left the café. Felt Enjolras sitting down on the bed next to me.

"Grantaire? How are you?"

I looked at him, exhausted, but I couldn't stop. It was the first time that we were alone. Just us two. It was strange.

"I'm... tired..." I answered honestly, grabbing the thin blanket and pulled it over me. I wasn't cold, I just didn't want to lay before him like this any longer. Enjolras simply nodded.

"It is better for you to sleep a while. I'll... stay here in case you'll get worse."

"Enjolras?" His name slipped over my lips, before I could prevent it from doing so.

"Why are you doing this?"

He sighed, then looked at me seriously. 

"It is my fault. If I- if we wouldn't plan that-"

He stopped, shook his head with a tired smile.

"I thought you didn't believe in the revolution?"

I averted my eyes, gazed at the cold ceiling instead.

"I don't..."

Enjolras nodded, then lowered his head. Maybe it was still the alcohol or even the tiredness which made me say the next words.

"But I believe in you."

He looked at me and I looked at him. He looked surprised, but smiled gently.  
His smile was breathtaking, he never looked at me like that before. And probably never would again. 

"Never do that again. Don't provoke that officer again, alright?"

"I won't...", I mumbled. Anything he wanted. 

"And no one else. Not when they are armed."

"I thought that this is what this revolution is about? Tell these idiots our opinion?"

"Yes, but not like this. Not alone."

Well, I couldn't really hold myself back... And I couldn't promise him to not do it again. Especially if they'd say something against him.

But I nodded.

"Understood."

"That wasn't an order", he murmured, sounding slightly confused. Kind of sounded like one. I shrugged.

"What else?"

"A request."

I blinked, surprised. Since when requested he something of me? It almost sounded like he was worried. I had never had the impression that he cared about me. Well, to this day. Just because I was hurt? Because I had committed myself to him and his faith? What else could there be for a reason? It would hardly have interested him if I had died outside. He probably wouldn't even have noticed.

I snorted, turned around. As soon as I was well again and would devote myself to the alcohol again, he would ignore me, as it always was. It would never change, he had only this senseless revolution in his mind. But I could not blame him.

"Grantaire?", he asked again, I closed my eyes.

"Mh?"

"I appreciate that."  
I heard him breathe.

"That you believe in me. Thank you ..."

I kept my eyes close. What could I say?  
You're welcome? We all believed in him. As if my opinion was important to him. Definitely not more than the others. Who always helped him plan and didn't drink the whole day. So I didn't say anything, heard him sigh quietly.

"Sometimes I can't even do that myself."

What did he say? I opened my eyes. Enjolras stared at the floor, didn't notice me looking at him. I swallowed, slightly turning to him, watching him carefully.  
He looked serious, even a bit dejected, but still beautiful. He didn't believe in himself sometimes? Although he always seemed so confident and strong. He was just a human after all. Like we all were.

"Then you're lucky that we do...", I murmured, so quiet that I didn't believe he would hear. But he did, looked at me and smiled.

"I know. And I'm very thankful for that."

I smiled back hesitantly. His smile widened for a moment, then vanished, he lowered his gaze.

"Then you should know that I... am very rude to you sometimes."

I looked up. Well, he had a reason for that. I didn't help him, I didn't support him, all I did was getting drunk and staring at him longingly.

"And...?"

"And I'm sorry for that... You are not that bad and useless how you always say... Or think."

Why did he know my thoughts? What I thought every time I saw him and the other Amis, saw how they planned, how motivated they were and all I thought was how useless everything was. We all would die for nothing in an unfair and  
unsuccessful fight. 

"What use do I have for you then, Enjolras?"

"Use?" He shook his head slightly.  
"If you don't believe in the revolution and in yourself, then why are you here?"

"Because I believe in y-"

"Because you believe in me? Why?"

I averted my gaze, knowing that he wouldn't want to hear the answer. I was here because of him, only of him,

"Because..."  
_Because I love you, Enjolras. _  
"Because I rather die than live in such a world."__

____

He snorted and shook his head again.

"Are you even capable of dying? 

His words tore another crack in my heart, which already had too many cracks, caused by his ignoring looks or incidental remarks. No, I probably wouldn't even die. They all would, except for me, I wasn't capable. I would watch him die, watching his blue eyes closing and never looking at me annoyed again, see how he stopped breathing, his warm breath never touching my skin like earlier again.  
I would never smell his scent, see how he proudly presented his plans for the future. 

And why? 

Because Enjolras rather wanted to die in this fight, then find another way to bring justice into this world. Because his highest goal was to free this country from the slavery.

And yes, I wanted that too, I wanted freedom.

But I couldn't bear the thought of losing him. I could lose everything, everything, but not him, God, not him...

I lowered my gaze, ignoring the silent tear rolling down my cheek. I didn't care, he didn't care. Why should I notice it? Crying was not a sign of weakness, tears were just emotions that one couldn't surpress any longer. Or drown in alcohol.

I didn't have to tell myself otherwise. No matter what I'd think of this rebellion, at the end of the day I would be standing next to him on the barricades, shooting soldiers and die with him. 

"Yes. I'm doing it a little bit every day."

He looked at me, I didn't look back. I didn't want to see him, his annoyed condescending gaze, I couldn't stand it anymore. Someday I would break because of it.  
And I rather died through a bullet than a broken heart.

"R?" 

He never called me that. Everyone did, but never him. But it certainly didn't mean anything. It was just shorter.

"Forgive me. I shouldn't have said that."

Like so many things. I remained silent, not even looking at him. I didn't have anything to say left. 

Yes I did, there was so much I wanted to tell him. How important he was to me, how much I didn't want to lose him, but I never would. These words would never leave my lips.

"Grantaire?" 

"What is it, Enjolras?"

"I'm sorry."

"You said that already." 

He looked to the ground, I turned around, even if it hurt. I was tired.  
What did I expect of him staying with me? That he talked to me, accepted me and realized what I felt for him? No.

I closed my eyes, leaned against the wall. The wound hurt unpleasantly, the pain coming back because the numbness of the alcohol slowly vanished. I touched it carefully, bit my lip. It hurt, it would take a while to heal.  
I just wanted to sleep, forget.

"I know. I wanted to apologize, but I insulted you again. That wasn't right."

"Don't worry, I'm used to it.

He sighed, I watched him, said nothing.  
He ran his fingers through his blonde hair, then looked down. 

"I know that, damn it. Do you think I don't see how disappointed you look at me sometimes?"

That was because of a different reason.  
Oh, he wouldn't understand.

"You think I don't trust you, that I think you're good for nothing. And it hurts when I say something condescending to you. I am not blind, Grantaire."

_Yes, you are._

____

I sighed softly, turned my head. No, he didn't understand. He thought he saw something in the way I looked at him.  
And of course it hurt me when he yelled at me or told me to do something useful.

But that wasn't everything. I looked at him because I liked to watch him being all caught up in the plans of the revolution, smiled when he came up with a new idea, how he pushed his blonde locks out of his face, his blue eyes sparkling. And it hurt even more, when he didn't look at me once. When he didn't notice or simply ignored me. Sometimes I imagined how it would be if he would notice me, see me or even touch me, just a slight touch, his hand on my shoulder or my arm or would he just bump into me.

He was blind, didn't saw my feelings, what I felt and what I wanted from him. 

"Grantaire?", he repeated, this time louder. The way my name came over his lips, I wished he would say it more often. In a different tone.

"Enjolras."

"Can you forgive me?"

_I would forgive you anything.. ___

____

I sighed again, not looking up.

"If I have to."

"Thank you. But you better sleep now, to get better soon..."

I said nothing, closed my eyes and turned to the side. To him. Only because of the injury of course.  
I felt his presence beside me on the bed, I could never fall asleep like that.  
But simultaneously I wished for him to not go away. Never.

"One more thing...", he murmured, I had to look at him. He shook his head, a serious look on his face. I swallowed.

"Why are you not believing in the revolution? That we can change something?"

I surpressed a sigh. When did it change anything? I had expressed my opinion several times already. How unfair it would be, how pointless, we all would die. And it wouldn't change anything.

"Because I don't think we can change anything. It will always be like this."

I straightened up a bit, trying not to strain my injury in some way.

"But why do you believe in me then?"

For the same reason I was here everyday, the pain drowned with wine and stared at him. Fight until death with him.

"Because... because I trust you."

"Why?"

I shook my head, why did he want to know all this? He had never cared before. And I couldn't tell him, never.  
Why did he asked all of this so suddenly? He never cared, and now, only because I was hurt he suddenly wanted to stay over night. Maybe he still needed me. For his group of students who were ready to die for him.  
Well, only because I would do that indeed, didn't mean I wouldn't care, if I was just that for him. And I would never be more, I knew that. And yet... Yet I wished he would realize. Would see how I watched him, always tried to be close to him. He was blind and always would be. God, he made me angry, with those questions, those apologies, which didn't mean anything in the end.  
Not when he would never stop acting like this, never understand me, never see how important he was to me, because-...

_I love you. If you knew how much I love you, Enjolras... ___

____

"It is how it is. Don't question everything."

"I just want to know the truth. Not what you think I want to hear."

"That is the truth. Do I have to have a reason to trust you? We all do."

"This isn't about everyone. I'm asking you."

"And since when did my opinion interest you?"

I didn't want to talk to him anymore.  
The only reason for me being here was that I had fallen in love with him and rather died on his side than lose him in this fight. 

"Always. You're my friend, just like the others."

I smiled bitterly. Of course. His friend.  
Exactly what I wanted to be. And it wasn't even true. What a friend could I be? I helped him with nothing I did. What was nothing really. And he said I was his friend. 

"Am I?"

"Of course. What else?"

"I don't know. A failure?"

He shook his head."

"No. Stop calling yourself that. You're as important to me as the others."

"Don't you get it? I don't want to hear that!" The words left my mouth before I could stop them, I instantly bit my lips. He seemed surprised, turned to me. I sighed softly, lowered my head. It hurt. To know it would never be more than that, what he feels for me. Until death.

"What do you want to hear?"

_That you love me. That I am more than that for you. That you need me._

____

"Just forget it, Enjolras."

"Grantaire, what is going on with you?"

I averted my gaze, pressing my lips together. 

"Nothing."

I wouldn't say it. I would never tell him the truth. He would hate me. But in that moment I felt his hand on my shoulder, his worried eyes on me. I felt hot suddenly, my heart started to beat faster.

Was he worried about me? Why?  
Did he care about me after all? About my feelings? Or did he fear he didn't have enough soldiers? No, he wasn't like that I knew that. But I couldn't believe he really thought of me.

"Tell me the truth."

"The truth...?"

"The truth. Don't lie to me anymore."  
He stopped. "It's alright if you don't believe in me, in this revolution. But then at least be honest to me. I see that something is bothering you..."

He said that so easily. And it would be easy. _I love you, Enjolras. _Only four words. And he would hate me forever.  
I lowered my head, tightly closing my eyes. No I couldn't be honest. For both our sakes. It would only burden him. And it was enough if it did that with me.__

____

"I..." His grip got stronger, I stopped. His touch, so meaningless, sparked I much in me. Didn't I wish for his touches earlier? And now...

"You- you wouldn't understand-".

"Grantaire, I see that it's not good for you to keep that all a secret. Please tell me, even if I don't understand." 

He smiled encouragingly and I turned my head. He should just stop, this smile, this gentle look... It made me more desperate as ever. Without looking at him, I shook my head.

"I won't bother you with my feelings."

"Why are you so stubborn?", he smiled, gently shaking me. I couldn't laugh anymore, the thought of never having him, never laughing together hurt to much. He was the one being stubborn.  
Couldn't he guess? What I felt for him? That would spare me this ridiculous confession. No he couldn't. And maybe it was better like this . Probably, it would only distract him from his plans.

"Let go of me.", I said, backing off a bit.

He frowned, let his hand sank.

"Alright... But then tell me. No matter what it is, yes?" And he added: "If you are scared to die, I can understand, we all are-"

"It's not about that. I am not scared, on the contrary. It's not about that fight..."

"About what then?"

_About you. _"About you."__

____

He looked surprised.

"About me?"

I sighed deeply, shook my head. I've said it. Now I somehow have to get back out of there. Hesitantly I gazed at him, his blue eyes eyeing me expectantly. He never looked at me like that. Full of curiousity and expectation.  
The truth would wipe that expression out of his face before I could say _revolution. ___

____

"Yes.", I simply said, not looking at him.  
Damnit, I had to explain myself...lie.

__

"What do you mean by that...?", he asked quietly, sliding closer to me. I tried to not look at him.

__

"I... Enjolras... Just let it go, please."

__

"Only if you tell me, why this is about me."

__

"I don't want you to give your life for this useless revolution."

__

"Somebody has to-"

__

"But why you, Enjolras? There will be others, after you-"

__

"It has to happen now."

__

I shook my head, leaning forward even if it hurt. 

__

"You don't have to die for this country, sacrifice yourself for these people-"

__

"I know, that you don't want to, Grantaire. But I am ready for it-"

__

"No, Enjolras, you don't understand! I don't want you to die for nothing! I don't want to lose you!"

__

He stared at me, didn't know what to say. I bit my tongue. Fuck. I just said that. He would've never have guessed what he meant to me, what it was, that I tried to keep a secret. And it was right. I couldn't live without him. I didn't want to.

__

"R... Grantaire, I mean... I didn't know I meant something to you."

__

"You don't-..." I stopped, shook my head. Yes, he was important to me. I couldn't bare to lose him. Of course he was important, how could he think he wasn't?

__

"That's the only reason?", he continued, quietly. Did he still not know?

__

"You don't want me dying in this in your opinion pointless fight. Because I mean something to you?

__

"Of course you mean something to me..."  
_Very much... ___

_____ _

"That is all?" 

_____ _

He smiled, I looked up confused. Why did he smile? No that was not all. Not in the closest.

_____ _

"I'll take care of my self. You don't need to worry." 

_____ _

I looked down, clenched my teeth.  
He wouldn't take care of himself. He said, he was ready to die. Why did he think so? As if his life was worth nothing? As if it would change anything. Why did he throw away his life like that? If it could be so different...

_____ _

"Enjolras..." I murmured, through my teeth. 

_____ _

"How can you say that? You have no control. You would give your life for the sake of this rebellion, even though it will not work out in the end. You don't think about how your family would feel, your friends, people who will never see you again. Because you died for nothing."

_____ _

His eyes narrowed, he grabbed me by the shoulders again.

_____ _

"For nothing? Perhaps, but we have to at least try it. It doesn't matter if it's successful or not. But that we do something. Not just sit here and wait.  
Something has to happen, now."

_____ _

_But not with you... ___

_______ _ _ _

"No... It doesn't."

_______ _ _ _

"It does!" His eyes were serious, his grip even stronger then before. Then he let go of me, shook his head with an incomprehensible smile.

_______ _ _ _

"I know that you don't understand. You don't want us to die in that fight, I know.  
But I rather die trying, than doing nothing."

_______ _ _ _

This contemptuous undertone, which had always broken my heart, had crept in his voice again. He would never understand me, never notice it. Only when I would die with him would he see how important he was to me. Too late.

_______ _ _ _

"I don't understand how you don't see that. Why you only think about yourself. I know what I am doing to my family, that I may lose all of you and that it may be for nothing. But that is worth it."

_______ _ _ _

He was proud, confident, he always has been. Actually I even liked that part of him.

_______ _ _ _

"You don't understand, Enjolras-"

_______ _ _ _

"What don't I understand?"

_______ _ _ _

"You don't notice that-"

_______ _ _ _

"That?"

_______ _ _ _

And he made me angry. Maybe he was this convinced and stubborn about his plans, but he was the one who only thought about himself. And not me.

_______ _ _ _

"That I would rather die, than live without you."

_______ _ _ _

"You- what?"

_______ _ _ _

"Yes, damn it, Enjolras. I care about you, even though you can't imagine that! You mean more to me, than all of my friends down there! I would do anything for you! If you could accept me then..."

_______ _ _ _

I stopped, stared in his blue, shocked eyes for a moment, before averting my eyes. Damn. Fuck. He must think I'm mad. But he had wanted to know the truth.

_______ _ _ _

"I don't understand..."

_______ _ _ _

My patience was at its end. 

_______ _ _ _

"Don't you see? I'm in love with you, Enjolras!"

_______ _ _ _

I couldn't hold myself back anymore.  
Without waiting for his reaction and against everything I ever told me, I pulled him closer, laying my hands on his cheeks and kissed him. It felt like a firework exploding inside of me, I tightly shut my eyes. This was everything I ever dreamed of, what I thought and wished for every night.  
His lips were soft and gentle, he didn't move. I enjoyed the kiss, this freeing feeling, knowing it would never return. As soon as I let go of him it would be over. Everything would be over.

_______ _ _ _

I let him go. Why wish for something, that could never be?

_______ _ _ _

My hands sank onto his shoulders, I didn't dare to look him in the eyes.  
A quesy feeling started to rise in me.  
Surely I had destroyed everything that had been between us. That could have been.

_______ _ _ _

I probably shouldn't have done that.

_______ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah for same-first-and-last-sentence-prompt! ^^
> 
> This fic was written by my sister and me, thank you for reading!! We hope you enjoyed it!! :D (and maybe leave a comment?)
> 
> Also please excuse any mistakes, since English is not our first language and feel free to correct them. :)


End file.
